Saturday, August 12, 2006

State of Disarray

My body and mind are in a settled state of disarray. I?m here, I have a place to live, but I?m just here. I feel lost. I live in the city but I don?t know the city anymore. I know literally no one here. I leave the house, walk the streets, meet and talk with people but they are not who I knew, they don?t give me comfort; they give me idle chit chat. It?s certainly not their fault; we live in the same world, the same emptiness. Of what was had and now is gone. Alone in a lonely city. I have hit the proverbial wall.
Now what? Not in the sense of what can go wrong but more in line of what do I do with myself now? Where?s the manual for restarting your life? Making new friends? Is there a pamphlet of something that I missed somewhere? I didn?t see anything like that in the surviving after a disaster kit I got from the Red Cross.
It?s not like I haven?t restarted before. I?m in radio, its part of the gig. But those were all times when I wanted to restart. Choosing to do something and having it forced upon you are two different things. This isn?t just restarting my life, it?s restarting a city. It?s everyone talking about OUR future. About this wonderful, heart breaker of a city and what we can do as citizens to not make the same lazy decisions we have in the past.
Anyone want to join me for a coffee?

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